Monday, February 28, 2011

Day 81-89 Weigh-in #13

Last week I weighed myself and gained a pound.  Yeah I know how disappointing, right?  I'm not giving up.  My mother-in-law swears my husband and I are going to give up but I told her last week I can't.  I have BIG plans and goals and they do not revolve around me being overweight.  I think her point was to encourage us to continue.  My father-in-law is really proud of my husband's weight loss and really hopes he continues.  I know as long as I continue to fight, my husband will also.  I think if I give up then he will too and vise verse.  We're not mimicing eat other actions but we know we are in battle together and if one goes down the other mya unintentionally. 

On a more exciting note my mother told me she looked at a picture of me from June 2009 and she couldn't believe her eyes.  She said she can see my weight loss from eight months ago.  That was very exciting to hear!  My mom always encouraged me to lose weight as an adult.   When I was a kid she didn't know how to handle me because I was bigger than my older sister.  I wasn't fat I was just two sizes bigger than her.  When my mother and father got married, my mother was tiny.  My oldest sister, being my parents first child, inherited my mother's tiny waistline.  I, on the other hand, inherited my father's expanding waistline and appetite.  My theory is that my mother, not being a big girl, didn't know how to handle a big girl so sometimes she said hurtful things to me regarding my weight as a child.  One day I told my mother, if a person doesn't like the way I look then they can close their eyes.  I was lucky she didn't knock my teeth out! LOL  I've always been a big girl but I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I look like.  I've never been one of those women on TV crying because I never had a boyfriend or had trouble in school because of my weight.  I have a BIG mouth and always said what I was thinking and if someone would hint at my weight, they would get the wrath of Zipporah all over them!  So, I wasn't bullied or picked on in school because I would hurt you if you cross the line.  Also, despite what society says about fat people, I know I'm beautiful.  Not on the inside only and not from the neck up.  Every part of is beautiful.  Every roll, strech mark and even the cellulite on my thighs.  It's funny because I remember thinking like this when I grew up but somewhere down the line, I forgot how I accepted myself and didn't care about what people thought.  As I got older I became too concerned with people's feeling and placed their feelings over me.  Wow!  I can't believe I'm just realizing the situation I placed myself in.  Anyway, I off on a tangent, which I always do, but make sure you are proud of yourself no matter how you look or how big or small you are. Oh and if someone doens't like the way you look and they choose the verbilize it, make sure you turn around, wind up your fist and punch them right in their mouth! LOL

Anyway, a few weeks ago I read about a website called  It's a way of tracking your food intake and excerise habits.  It's like Weight Watchers except it's free!  Yup, FREE.  Before I blogged about, I wanted to test it out for a few weeks.  I'm approching my third week and let me tell you it's a real eye-opener.  I've tracked my food for two weeks not and I see why I'm stuck going up and down 2 pounds.  I eat too much!  Yes, I already knew I ate too much but to see it on paper (or on the computer screen) has a disterbing effect on me.  I see now why I got to be over 300 pound in my 31 years on God's great Earth.  Sparkpeople gives you weekly goals:  calorie, fitness, reading, etc., and you have to reach those goals on a daily, weekly and yearly basis.  Well, I can't stay within my goals because I eat food that are too high in calories.  Here is a typically day for me. 

 Some days I start off doing really good but I always end the same way, eating junk at night!

You can see my calorie intake for the day and my daily goal.  This day I was really close to reaching my goal but then night fell and I fell with it.  This week, my goal is simple.  My goal is to reach my goals and not go over. 

This blog is way too long so I need to shut up now.  Check out and see if you like it.  It's really easy and you will get to know yourself a little better while trying to lose weight.  Also, I apologize for not posting more but my life is busy right now.  My main focus is finding a job!  Since I'm driving now, I want to go and do EVERYTHING but little funds equals little fun! 

God Bless guys and take care!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Day 77-80 Self Destruction

Last week, I had to walk to pick my nephews up from school.  My three nephews go to three different schools and only one of them get bused.  Anyway, my oldest nephew's school is 1.5 miles away from my apartment.  At first I was upset because I had to walk to get him when I typically would drive but then I thought it would be good exercise.  After I picked up my first nephew, I picked up my second nephew from his school, which is only down the street from my apartment.  By the time I got back home, I walked for two hours!  I thought what a good workout.  I got the more exercise that day than I have in a while.  I thought it was awesome the amount of exercise I got in that day.  I remember thinking I should watch what I eat but that thought was a passing thought.

I can't remember what I had for dinner that night but I know I pigged out on a lot of junk food.  While I was stuffing my face with one good tasting sweet treat after the other, I realized I was purposely over eating and I didn't want to stop.  That's right, I didn't want to stop eating my good junk food.  I know my behavior and eating habits are destructive but I still continue to do it.  I'm like Paul in Bible where he speaks of the bad things he does because he was born in sin, Roman 7:14:

14 We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin.
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.
17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me.
18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law;
23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.
 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?
25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
   So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.

You may not think it's that serious but indeed it is.  I know what eating well and exercising will do for me but the old me constantly creeps up cheering me on to eat badly.  Don't get me wrong, I love the way I look in my clothes.  They are starting to fall off me and I'm loving it and I'm going to continue to lose weight until all this weight is gone.  It's just a struggle.  A really tough struggle and that's why I realized the 100 pounds in 100 days plan won't work.  I have to continue to fight until the good side of me has won but I feel as if I'm running out of time.  If you've read my earlier blogs, you know why I'm focused on losing weight but it seams as if it's not enough or maybe I'm lazier than I thought.  I mean, the second month of the year is almost gone and still nothing.  God, help me because I can't keep playing the monthly guessing game.  Man, I'm so mad at myself for not giving this journey my 100 percent! 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Day 65-77 Weigh-in #11 & 12 Upside Down

I'm back!  Yes, it's been about two weeks since my last post but in those two weeks my life has been turned upside down.  First off, let me tell you how much weight I gained/lost.  Last week, weigh-in #11 I gained 2 pounds (you'll understand why later) and this week I lost two pounds.  So now I weigh 324 and I'm stuck!  Let me tell you what's been going on since my last post.

Two weeks ago, my sister and her three boys came to live with us because she lost her job and her apartment.  Not a huge deal.  She's my sister and she needed help so we stepped in.  Well, here's the problem.  She has three boys and they eat like crazy!  She goes shopping like twice a week!  I'm not use to my refrigerator being so stuffed.  I have no room for my good food and she buys a lot of bad food, well, I consider it bad.  They have cereal, chips, candy, lunch meat, cheese, nuggets and a lot of other bad food.  I can't remember if I mentioned this before but I am a cheese lover and my husband is a milk lover.  I do not keep these things in the house because, like junk, I can't control how much I eat.  Also, I love cereal.  LOVE IT!  Growing up, cereal was a special treat!  If cold cereal was in the house that meant my parents had a little extra money to buy us, it's six of us, cereal and it would last for only a day or two.  Well, my sister is only staying here for a short time but it's really effecting our new eating plan.  I haven't a clue what to do.  She's trying to respect what we are doing but the food she has is for the kids and she tries not to bring anything in the house that would effect our new eating plan but like I said she has three boys.  No she not force feeding us but she let us know we are welcome to anything she has in the fridge. 

Another problem we're having is dinner.  Sometimes I cook dinner so the boys can get a healthier meal and to introduce them to new foods.  Other times, I have to tell her to cook whatever she wants for dinner and I will cook for my husband and I but she thinks it's silly to cook two different meals but I refuse to eat her cooking.  She thinks since we're all in one house, we should eat the same dinner but the food I buy is very little and it's strictly for my husband and I.  The food I buy is supper expensive because it's healthier and I don't like waisting it on the boys.  One time I made baked fish with lemon and onions, brown rice with parsley, garlic and butter and veggies and they didn't like the food.  So I basically waisted my time, food and some money.  They like to eat the Lipton rice.  I stopped buying that rice because of the sodium.  My sister cooked one of the Lipton rice packs for them since they didn't like my food.  The suffered through the fish and veggies. 

On another note, there is a good thing coming out of this new living situation.  I get up every morning between 6 and 7a.m.  Before my sister and the boys moved in I woke up whenever I wanted and went to bed whenever I wanted.  Yes, I know this isn't good sleeping habits when your trying to lose weight but old tricks die hard.  I think on some level God had this planned because for the past year or so God has been telling me to get up early.  I am NOT a morning person.  I would rather stay up late until 2 or 3 a.m. then to wake up early.  I know it's part laziness and part bad habits.  Before I got married, I was up until the wee hours of the morning studying because I live with my parents and late at night was the only quite time I could get to study.  Anyway, I wake up to help her take the boys to school, they all go to three different schools even though all of them are in elementary school.  Once I'm up I get my day started.  I quickly learned that I have to maximize my time at home when the boys and my sister aren't home.  Hince the silence on my blog for two weeks.  Once the boys get out of school, it's non stop talking, playing, helping with homework and discipline until it's time for them to go to bed.  By this time it's 7:30 p.m. and I chillin with my hubby to get as much quality time with hi as possible. 

I was so stressed out last week because when we offered my sister to live with us, we didn't expect things to change so much.  We were thinking about helping her and hopefully introducing her to a better life for her and the boys but who would have thought life as we knew it would end.  I was really upset because I lived with my parent until I got married.  Like I said before my parents has six kids and my house was always crowded.  Everywhere you went someone was there.  You hardly had any privacy.  Before I got married, there were four of us living at home.  Two of the four had kids so we went for six people living in a three bedroom home to nine or ten!  I was use to the chaos when I was with my parents but I haven't lived home for three years and my husband and I don't have any children yet so my life at home was very peaceful.  I LOVED IT.  I didn't feel the need to run away from home when I want peace and quite.  Well, now I, actually we feel the need to run away so we can have time to ourselves.  I had to realize the situation is only temporary and the faster we can get her on her feet the quicker we can go back to life as we knew it.

Pray for our strength and thanks for reading!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Day 58-64 Weigh-in #10

Another week, another weigh-in.  This week I only lost a pound but I'm still proud of myself because this is the longest I've ever stuck with losing weight.  Also, I'm starting to see changes in my clothes!  This is really exciting!  I'm not trying to over share but my bra has room in it, which kind of sucks but it's all good lol.  The only thing that's left to start srinking are my butt and hips.  I can't get these two problem areas to move to save my life!  I know that jumping and running helps but I can't jump or run for very long (yet) because of my knees.  I knew a girl who had a big booty like mine and her's didn't go away until she joined the military.  Maybe I should consider joining the military so they can shake my butt off me lol. 

On another note, I feel very accomplished today.  I got a lot of things done and I drove for the second time without my hubby.  Oh in case you didn't know I got my license two weeks ago and I'm enjoying my new found freedom.  I've only drove two places so far alone and that was to the supermarket and to my friend's house today.  Nevertheless, it's a small achievement that I didn't think I would accomplish but thanks to God for the courage and my hubby for the training, I'm rollin' with the big dawgs now! lol