Friday, April 15, 2011

Day 132-135 One of those days

Today is not a good day.  I'm trying to stay positive but I don't know how much longer I can fake it.  I'm sitting here trying not to cry or eat because I'm just really down about my life today.  Yesterday I had an another interview, I think I'm in the fifties with these interviews, and asked my typical interview question: "Is there any thing you see on my resume or anything that we discussed that makes you think I'm not qualified for this position?"  The answer is always not but yesterday the legal secretary, I was being interviewed by a legal secretary and an attorney, said no.  She said you're qualified and very articulate.  She went on the say other nice things about me but I can't remember the other compliments she paid me because in my head I'm screaming hire me!  HIRE ME! HIRE ME!  The attorney chimed in and said "I just want to be clear.  This isn't a paralegal position.  This is a legal secretary position and you seam to have more paralegal experience and some secretarial experience but we're looking for more secretary experience.  I don't want you to think your getting a paralegal position and want to make sure that's clear".  I told the attorney the title of the position doesn't matter.  I'm looking for a permanent position in a law firm and I don't care if I'm the file clerk.  I'm looking to gain experience with a law firm I can grow with.  You can hire me as a file clerk and it wouldn't matter.  The attorney just said, "Okay."  I'm a bit confused because my resume gets me the interviews and they can obviously read the what I have experience in but when they interview me they say I'm over qualified or under qualified.  I just don't get it.

You know people actually think I'm not trying to find a job?  Yes.  Someone told me last week that I'm not trying to find a job because I did not have an interview last week but I had one the week before that and the week before that.  I guess if I don't get an interview at least once a week I'm not trying.  Also, I have people telling me I should've been working or they could've been had me a job.  I can go and get a job but what I want is so much bigger than a job.  I'm not sure if people can understand what I'm fighting for.  It goes beyond just a job.  I'm fighting for a career, something no one in my immediate family has ever had and it's not just for me.  I'm fighting for my unborn children.  They will not have this same fight.  This thing is so big that I know one I break through, I will be able to help more people besides my husband and kids.  My parents will be better off and so will my siblings.  I'm trying but I'm tired.  Sunday the Word for the Lord was to be positive and you have to move past asking God to do and expecting Him to do.  I'm past asking.  I'm past prophecies.  I'm ready, been ready, for my actual blessings and prophecy to come to my present. 

Although yesterday's interview was good, I feel like I'm getting nowhere in my life.  In the past year the only thing that changed is that I got my driver's licence.  I'm still unemployed and childless.  I can't help my husband with the financials and attempt to relieve stress from him because I DON'T HAVE A JOB!  I considered going to work in retail and make mimumin wage until I can find a more permit position but when I broke down how much I receive from unemployment I make less on unemployment than I would working a mimumin wage paying job.  How ridiculous is that?!  I'm really tired.  Really tired.  I don't know what I'm doing wrong nor do I understand why it seams others are getting blessed and I'm still waiting in line.

I'm just having one of those days.  

1 comment:

  1. I dont have a job either, i am a college student just trying to help my parents out with the payments on my loans and i guess even basic low paying jobs see that as a negative thing, it is like once i tell them i am in school they are like ok well she isnt gonna work...

    Ive held atleast 4 jobs in the past for a year each and i have experience working with people and an open schedule but they always end up telling me "we're looking for someone with more experience in this field.." well how am i going to get any experience if all anyone picks is someone who has already had experience.

    ugh i feel you girl. just hang in there.