Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 99-102 Is it my turn yet?

How do you like the new blog look?  I thought I would spruce things up a bit since this is round two. 

Two weeks ago I had an interview with a very a prestigious international law firm.  I was so excited!  I researched this company for two day, gathered tons of information about the company and even practiced mock interviews with my husband.  I did so much work so they would look at me and say this girl got the stuff.  Last week, I followed up with the company to see if I made it to the second set of interviews and was told they liked me very much and had nothing negative to say about me.  Well, today I called and found out that I didn't make it to the second interview.  Out of the four people they selected, they choose two and I wasn't one of the two.  I really wanted this job.  I've been working hard to get a job in an international law firm that would take me and mold my career into something I've never seen before in my life.  I couldn't wait to grow with this law firm and learn from them.  I was dreaming about job and was extremely excited because I just knew I was going to get it.  I had visions of me telling my Dad and him rejoicing with me because we always wanted this for me. 

Since receiving this news a few hours ago, I've had some time to process my thoughts and I've came to a few conclusions.  I've been unemployed for almost a year and I can get interviews but I can't get the job.  Why?  I haven't a clue!  I've taken people's advice on how to conduct myself during an interview.  I was told that I'm not confident so I change everything, cover letter, resume, to make sure confidence is radiating out of my body.  Next I was told I didn't look "corporate" so I changed my look when I go on interviews.  I wear my contacts, put my hair in a business-friendly style and wear a suit (as always).  The only thing I refuse to do is dye my hair.  My hair is black and naturally grey.  It started changing colors when I was in high school from all black to strands of red and finally grey.  Sometime you see it sometimes you don't.  I refuse to dye my hair because a few years ago, I dyed my hair, got pregnant and discovered that dye and perms wasn't good to do when you're pregnant.  Once I read this, I stopped and the growing-out process began.  My hair went from black to green to yellow to gold.  Finally my grey is grey again!  I praying to be pregnant this year and going though that ugly growing-out phase isn't something I'm interested in.  Anyway, that's the only suggestion I couldn't consider.  Since, I've made the other changes people told me to make, I've concluded that corporate America just doesn't like the way I look and I believe it's tied into my weight.

Currently I weigh 324 pounds.  I am morbidly obese.  I have a big butt, big hips, big eyes, big legs, big feet, long arms, huge hands and super size breasts.  This is me.  I'm black and I look like a black woman with all the extras.  If I was a skinny black woman then I might get the job but since I'm extra extra extra large my dream of working in a corporate law firm seams unreachable.  I'm curious to know when I finally drop 100 pounds and I'm no longer morbidly obese, will job offers fall on me like the rain on an April day?  I'm trying everything I can possible think of to get a job.  For the past few months, I started looking outside of the legal world for a job.  I'm applying for retail position and still can't get a job making minimum wage.  No, I don't really want a retail job but I need a job like now!

Yesterday at my church, the pastor preached about not eating any more manner from heaven.  Basically, he said that some of use don't need to be fed a prophecy about being successful anymore because now we're ready for the prophecy to come to past.  I'm was flipping out because I knew he was talking to me!  Ever since my husband and I got married, we've been prophesied to several times and we're still waiting.  God, when am I going to get mine?


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  2. I can honestly agree with you. I have worked for some of the best RE companies and when you don't have the look they will pass you by. I have lost weight, changed my speech, taken extra classes.Your image is tied into how people perceive you, especially in "Corporate America". I have been told I acted "Too White", by black people and "Too Aggressive", by white people. So, trust me I understand! Keep up the good work.